I am Reminded...

The events of the past few days remind me of so many truths about artwork, and our place in it as artists.

On Monday, I along with a groups of others, sat on the Regional Artist Project Grant panel. All day long, we looked over applications, comparing proposals to budgets to work samples. It was both a long and exciting process. I was excited to help make the decision to grant some very young artists with what were for a few, their first grants. I was happy also, to help more established artists to continue practicing their craft. As we read through the applications, I am reminded, in a big way, that I cannot take rejection of proposals and applications personally. Nor can I take the acceptance of any proposal or application personally. Knowing that a panel of people, or even one person looking at an application cannot possibly spend the time it would take to make assumptions about you as a person, helped me to remember to be more objective when sending off my apps. It isn't about me. It is about the programs they (whatever organization they may be) need to curate. The money they have available to give. Need versus want, and so many other things.

This week brought a small handful of applications to be sent out. However few, these applications required many components. Many DVD's, many, many pieces of paper and a lot of creative thinking and explaining with flare. I was more than happy to put these packages in the hands of the post office attendant today: "Are there any fragile, perishable, liquid or flammable items in these packages?" No, just the future of my career...but given the circumstances of the Monday prior, and my lesson learned, I decide to think differently. It is out of my hands, literally and figuratively. So I breathe easy, and continue about my day.

In addition to the grant panel this week, I make a trip to Matthews, NC, where Brett, my cinematographer and editor now lives to continue work on our film, "Kitchen Table." We spend many hours, pouring over the shots, deciding what should go where, and if it fits with the music, etc. We clean up some shots, we scratch some shots. We discuss color correction, and the addition of Foley noise in certain parts. The film is really beginning to take shape! With this work, I am reminded that patience yields growth. Three years ago, when I began making films, I could have never imagined having the ability to make this film. I wanted nothing more to be good at making films. I just couldn't wait. And as I was sitting there, next to Brett, I realized that three years had taken no time at all to go by. And here we are, preparing for the premiere of our third dance film. I can only imagine what the next five or ten years will bring.

Yesterday, I head over to High Point University, where I will begin teaching again in just over a week. I speak to my boss, who asks for ideas on how we can increase the dance presence at HPU. My wheels are turning, as I do love a good challenge. I am excited to be back, and am very much looking forward to teaching. I see many of my colleagues, and exchange accounts of our summers away from each other. I learn that having a steady place to go is not a bad thing. I guess I just haven't thought of it until now, but it takes time to build things, like relationships, rapport, projects and more. I suppose I have never had the experience of having a long-term job before, and though this one is not officially that yet, Ed(my boss) has many times expressed his interest in making that happen for me. I wonder what that would be like. Will I get bored? Will I feel stuck? Will I feel at ease? Will I feel accomplished? I can't tell yet. But I look forward to what the year will offer.

On this day, I am preparing to return to my MFA program residency at Goddard. That wonderful place on the west coast where I can discuss art deeply, and spend time opening myself up to more possibility. I love it, and I can't wait. I keep in mind that it will be cold compared to our summer of 90 plus temperatures. And that I should probably bring a light jacket.

Tomorrow, I will be reporting from Port Townsend!

~Cara