contemplating Women's Work: Sexuality

I can hardly believe that it is August already. The heat has finally broken, and the rain has come. However I'm sure we are in for just one more wave before the summer is out. How I have loved the heat. My body soaking it up, sweating it out, as if it had been thirsty for just this kind of intensity all year long. I think this year, I will be able to appreciate the fall when it comes more fully, my body and mind surfeited from the crazy warmth of the summer. The beautiful colors, the comfort food and the acknowledgment that not soon after the fiery burst, all things will turn inward: the grass will go dormant, many animals will sleep and perhaps this will be a time for me to turn inward, as well.

I have been further contemplating the concept of women's work. Laura came to me and said that she would like to do a song about feminine sexuality through the trope of Lilith. I conversed with her about how sexuality is in fact, women's work. Now, more than ever, it is the job of women to appear sexually available to men, and there is a lot that goes into that image. Our media is packed with images of objectification, and many of us feel bound by those images, feeling like this is what we need to work to be, if we desire success of any kind. I recently watched a documentary entitled, "Sexy, Inc." about the over-sexualization of our youth. I was disheartened to see, that even the tiniest women are expected to project an image of sexual energy. Tiny padded bras, meant for the children's section at Target, Baby Bratz cartoon characters, who sport sexy undies, midriff shirts and full on make-up and bling.

My dad brought up a good point: in nature, it is the job of the male in most species to attract the female. Males sport the vibrant colors, sing the songs and dance the dances. Leave it to us to turn nature on its head!

For me, the making of this piece, the thinking on this concept, makes me think to what degree I have considered it my job to give off a certain kind of sexual energy throughout my life. And I realize, that I have, more times than I can count, acquiesced to the notion of what being sexy is, and how to do it. I remember making the decision that I needed to change my image in tenth grade. I began wearing very tight jeans. I got contact lenses. I wouldn't leave the house without mascara. I wanted to be popular, and I wanted to be "taken seriously." It seemed as if all the girls who were getting attention - of any kind, were "beautiful." I wanted attention, as any teenager does. When in college, I also wanted attention. I went to parties, and flirted aggressively. The art of the flirt was of utmost importance. Did I laugh coquettishly enough? Was I showing enough skin? Was I drinking enough (In my case, did I appear to be drinking enough)? Was I allowing the boys to put their hands on me just enough to want to know what the whole package would feel like? And why? I wanted to feel valued in some way. To this day, when I see another woman getting attention from men, I get slightly jealous, as I wonder if those men think I am attractive at all. My husband tells me I'm beautiful all the time. I believe him! But part of me will always want that outside validation. Why?? At the same time, I am often frightened by men who approach me, their over-aggressive manner and the expectation that I should be excited about that kind of advance.

To that end, I have contemplated the making of a dance, to be included in our larger work, "Common Threads," that will be comprised of a solo, where a woman is bound by thread (sexuality) and struggles between suggestive movement, pleading movement, subtlety into violent dynamic. We hope to include in the vignette, a poem my mother wrote about discovering the female adolescent body.

The seeds for this piece are easily coming into being. I can't wait to see how they grow!

~Cara